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19 January 2015 @ 11:23 am
not really sure what to name this post  
Right, so a lot has happened since I made a post. I'm on a new nasal spray medication for my allergies so i'm hoping that works. I just started taking it yesterday so it will take a little bit of time before I notice any big differences.

Aside from that, Mick and I have been talking a lot more lately. What I realized as well was that what I thought was him flirting with other girls was not really the case at all. Sometimes it can be so easy to let doubts and insecurities get the better of your mind, and that's what happened with me. It actually makes a lot of sense now that i'm looking at this in a different angle. Mick is one of those instagram "famous" type of blogs. All of what he does is to gain more followers and to get himself and his music noticed. So, he follows a bunch of random profiles and comments and posts those kind of "flirty" comments to get more traffic driven to his page. It makes so much sense to me in that way because his sister has the same kind of instagram blog. Like, all of his siblings have a crap ton of followers and stuff on their instagram pages. I just viewed it as flirting with other girls when in reality he has been doing all of that stuff just to get more people to see him. I get it now, I understand.

Snapchat is the same kind of story. He has like over 20k points on there and I bet a ton of girls just send him a lot of snaps because they have seen his music and think he's attractive probably. What I always knew in the back of my mind was that he probably isn't being emotionally involved with any of these girls aside from me. So that makes me feel a lot more secure about him and what we have. He did tell me a lot about his family and the problems it's in and whatever, so he trusts me a lot to be that way with me because he is the kind of person to not be so emotionally open with a lot of people.

We somehow got on the topic of love last night and so I asked him to tell me his honest feelings about whether or not he views us ever being exclusive. His response was "it's something I see as very possibly, but i'm still trying to get my head around distance". Which is totally a normal and understanding response. We'll just have to see where it goes from here. He comes back to New York on the 25th of this January so we'll have to see how things play out when he gets back. Our dynamic has changed a bit because we introduced sexting into this mix, so I think that has made us closer but we're not letting the sexual energy dominate what we have and make it strictly all about getting some.

I'm going to try and be more positive and hopeful and trusting with this. He said he would love it if I were to fall in love with him, I just told him I need to feel secure in what we have before I can allow myself to do that because I have been hurt a bit since we started talking. His response was that he understands and he'll wait. So...it's evident that we have a lot of feelings for one another but the distance is putting a stop from him being fully exclusive. I mean, this whole month since he's been on vacation in England we have been really good on communication. So it's like, it will be ten times easier when he's back in New York and i'm still here in Boston. I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see how it all plays out.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: She's Lost Control - Joy Division