You guys should give this album a listen. It's AMAZING. Just found them today!

So this is an update from the last post I made. Today was a great day! I went on my first date with this awesome guy named Barry whom i've been speaking with everyday on text and Skype for the past week and a half or so. He was so sweet and drove down to meet me at my house and then we drove to Red Robin to have lunch, which was an amazing lunch not just for him but for the food as well. Then we took an unexpected turn and went to see The Hobbit 3 which was super good. During this time he had put his arm around me to hug me to him and keep me warm as we were walking to the theater, but then during the movie he was like "you can rest your head on me if you want to" and so I just did at a time that felt right. We stayed like that for the whole movie with his arm around me and my head resting on his shoulder. It was the cutest thing, people probably thought we were a couple. Then on our way back to his car we were still walking with our arms around eachother and he drove down to the Guitar Center near by (he works there, but not the one we went to.) and he taught me how to play a few chords (A, D, Em, and C...still hard as fuck). Then we drove back to my place where my parents offered him a huge plate of food, which he graciously accepted haha. We then headed to my room where we watched 2 episodes of Gurren Lagann and played Leauge of Legends together. What makes this just so interesting is that after watching our second episode of Gurren Lagann we just sort of started making out. I knew there was that weird tension in the air the whole time we were together about maybe kissing one another or holding hands, but we were pretty touchy feely. It's just that us making out sort of also happened naturally as well. This whole day I wasn't thinking about Mick at all. Mick is currently in England for a whole month visiting his family for the holidays and since then I've met Barry and I've given Mick a second chance to prove himself to me but so far he only kept it up for like 2 days. If this keeps going on like this then Barry and I are sure to be a couple, but I don't know where Mick is at with his mind at all. He got back into "flirting" with other girls on this instagram account and god knows where else. Barry has been so consistent and sweet with me, flirty as well but he never pushed my boundaries ever. Mick is sweet as well, he was consistent, and he did push my boundaries a bit but he is respectful of them. If Mick doesn't step up soon then I'm going to find myself being asked out by Barry and me saying yes without a hesitation...in the moment.

There is something that I would love to talk about. I'm not very eloquent with my writing - it was never my strong suit - however I still want to give this a shot. I always speak from the heart and I'm open with letting my thoughts and feelings come out on paper, or in this case on an e-journal.

( all my lovingCollapse )

I just wanted to update you guys about some recent events that have happened with me. Take a seat and enjoy, it's going to be a long ride.

About nine days ago I was on this website called Skout, which is essentially a dating website...let's call it for what it is. I wasn't on there to seriously look for a boyfriend or anything like that. I just wanted to see who was in my area, just curiously looking. There was this guy that immediately caught my eye. He was attractive, around my age, and lived in New York - not bad at all if I do say so myself.

So after we mutually liked eachother's profiles, he started talking to me and he eventually asked me for my number that same night. Every day now we talk and we've expressed a mutual strong liking for one another. What initially put me off and having questioned his true motives was the fact that he got pretty sexually flirty quick. It led me having to remind him probably 5 or 6 times that I'm uncomfortable being that way with someone I just met and since then he has restrained himself, even though the occasional comment will slip I don't mind it as much because it's not a constant bombardment of those comments. Not only that, but since it's been nearly 10 days of constant communication, we've gotten to know eachother and I'm starting to open up around him.

Some little tidbits about him - he's Italian and he was raised in England, he is a musician and has his own YouTube music channel, and his name his Michele but everybody calls him Micky.

So yeah I really like him and he expressed the same interest. Hopefully with time we can meet and something will bloom from it.

Hey guys. Recently, I was playing more on Photoshop and I discovered this new way to enhance your graphics. Before this, the last thing I would do to a graphic was sharpen it and be on my way. By just sharpening your image, unless having that ultra sharp and grainy look is what you're going for, just doesn't look right. This tutorial can be used on any quality image ranging from LD to HD.




Let's get on with the tutorial!

( sharpen my worldCollapse )

Yeah, I had my procedure done...i'm not sure how many days ago. But it was all fine. Honestly I was less nervous about it than I thought I would be. I went in at 9am, my motion sickness for travelling was bad as always, and I signed in. When they called my named I was escorted into and area where a lot of folks are recovering from their procedure and some were waiting to have theirs done. they gave me a dressing gown to wear and they asked me some questions and told me about the procedure. Then the IV was put in my hand since two nurses had a hard time with the veins in my arm. Then I was wheeled into the room where my Endoscopy would be performed and I was with the male doctor and two of his nurses. I asked them if they could put me completely under for the test and I think he said something like no? Or he said that it's like a "conscious sedation", so that freaked me out because a nurse i spoke to before i was wheeled in said that they put you completely under. So because of that I started to close up and get freaked out. Then they sprayed my throat with this numbing spray that was wild cherry flavored but it was kind of not so great.

After that was when I started to cry and they asked me to lay on my left side and that's when one of the nurses started giving me the sleeping drugs through the IV. They were all really nice in trying to calm me. The male doctor asked the nurses to put on soothing music and then they were trying to tell me to stay calm and to keep breathing. Actually, I remember the male doctor saying "you're making a big deal over nothing", that didn't bode well with me. Like, okay, here I am already facing one of my worst fears and you tell me to get over it? Right-o. Anyway, I was knocked out like a light as soon as those drugs came through, and then I soon woke up in recovery and I had some water and graham crackers. I had no side effects aside from a little sore throat but that was it. They took a biopsy and I guess those results will come back in about a week. Apparently, the nurse said that everything looked fine? That's good to hear.

The only problem I still have is it's still hard for me to swallow but it's getting slightly better, and i still have my sinus/nose/ears/throat thing going on that has been making me feel so sick for the past month. When i say it makes me sick i meant it makes me nauseous. it's just bad. So the next plan of action is to visit and Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and see that they have to say about it. Then the biopsy results will come back and I guess we'll see that happens from there.

I'm still feeling tired and woozy from the medicine, so whilst typing this I probably won't make much sense. But I wasn't even all that nervous about today until i was wheeled into the procedure room. I got there at 9am and I had an IV put in my hand and I was put on a rolling bed wearing one of those patient gowns. I was nervous but I was still calm. When I was wheeled into the procedure room there were two nurses and then the main doctor. He was nice, they all were. They made sure I was a comfortable as I could possibly be. I told then my anxieties with the medicine and that I wanted to be put out completely, and he said they would do that for me but they weren't going to fully put me under. I was given a numbing spray that tasted pretty bad, like everyone else said as well, for my back of my throat and then I was given the medicine as I was told to lay on my side. As soon as the medicine hit me like a ton of bricks I just blacked out. That's when I woke up in recovery and I was fine. My mother was there and I was nibbling on some graham crackers and water. But yeah, that process was great and it went totally fine. There was no need to make it such a big fuss. My throat even feels a lot better and I can swallow with no discomfort or having to force myself to swallow. yay! Apparently they took some biopsies which I will get the results back in about 10 days, so we shall see where I go from there

I'm just so glad that I got this done first thing in the morning so that I wouldn't have more time to fret about it.

Right now I'm pretty drowsy and I feel like I wan't to just sleep, but I want to be up doing things on the computer before I nap. Netflix, here I come!

The problems with my stomach only seemed to get worse, surprisingly. My original symptoms got much better, but after 2 and a half months nothing has changed. I'm writing this at 2am on the 18th and I have an Endoscopy at 9am. I am beyond mortified. At this point, I know that I have to get it done but I can't help myself from worrying and feeling anxious. I'm not even a little bit anxious. I'm so anxious that my nerves have nerves. I can't calm myself down to very long without thinking about it and having a small panic attack. I know for sure that when I actually get to the place to have it done that I will be crying and I will probably be hyperventilating, among other embarrassing things.

I'm just writing this to get my feelings out. I have been trying my hardest to avoid this procedure but it seems to be catching up with me. I know that once I get it over with that I won't ever have to worry about it again. I am praying so hard that I can tell the nurses who will be doing the procedure to put me completely under...to sleep. Normally with an Ednscopy you are given medication but you aren't fully put to sleep. They say that the test shouldn't take more than 5 minutes, but that is 5 minutes too long. I want to be KNOCKED OUT COLD. I don't want to be the least bit awake. All i'm asking is to be given the medication, I fall asleep, and then I wake up in recovery. That is the best case scenario. Honestly, this is one of my biggest fears/phobias and I am terrified. I just don't even want to think about it. I try to be strong and I like to think that i am strong, but I don't think so - not when it comes to something like this.

When it's all over I will make sure to write a post about the whole thing. Hopefully, they can give me a diagnosis of whatever they find/not find as soon as I wake up in recovery. The sooner I can get to being put on the mends the better. It's gotten to the point where it's hard for me to swallow food, so this has gone beyond my wits end. Everyone that i've spoken to about it has said that it's not a big deal. Well, maybe it wasn't a big deal for them but it is a monstrous deal for me.

I should be getting to bed now. I'm planning on getting up at 7:30am so that I can plan for an hour of straight up relaxation and trying to calm myself. I don't even know why this is happening to me with my stomach, but hopefully they might have the answers. I don't want to have to endure this stupid test that has riddled me with severe anxiety for so long only for them to have found nothing. Fuck that.

I want to document this so that in ten years time I can laugh at myself. Here is a rough list of the celebrities that made my heart go boom.

Aaron Carter
Frankie Muniz
John Ritter
Taran Killam
Seth Green
Cole Sprouse
Cody Linley
Zac Efron
Drake Bell
Shia LaBeouf
Jesse McCartney
Rupert Grint
Tom Felton
Bam Margera
Johnny Knoxville
Ryan Sheckler
Gerard Way
Jerad Leto
Pete Wentz
Matthew Underwood
Criss Angel
Matthew Macfadyen
Hugh Grant
Owen Wilson
Ben Stiller
Dane Cook
Johnny Depp
Mikey Day
Heath Ledger
Al Pacino
Marlon Brando
Robert Downey Jr.
Ringo Starr
John Lennon
Noel Fielding
Albert Hammond Jr.
Kevin Parker
Justin Hayward-Young
Gerard Butler
Chris Evans
Tom Hiddleston
Hugh Dancy
Paul Rudd
Colin Farrell
Bradley Cooper
Jude Law
Mark Ruffalo
Brendan Fraser
Kit Harrington
Sebastian Stan
Dean Ambrose
Roman Reigns
Adrien Brody